sickheartbeats | Dirk: > Introduce your adopted son.

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ic: jake english

Dirk: > Introduce your adopted son.

[You have recently PICKED UP A COMPANION, involuntarily at first but then eventually saving its life, and it is now YOURS FOREVER, as soon as you've convinced your room-mate that pets are not for dinner.

You return home with the duckling on your shoulder and head straight for the kitchen, intending to prepare a decent replacement meal to HELP BRING YOUR POINT ACROSS.]

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[You look up from your computer when your boyfriend enters, TASTY CARGO IN HAND.]

Oh wow! Is that a duck??

The miniature version of one, anyway.
It followed me home, Jake.
Can I keep it?

Of course!
I mean there isnt much meat on there so we will have to fatten it up anyway.

[You get up and examine the duckling. Man it sure is small!]

We're not eating my duckling, Jake English.
Not now and not when it's nice and plump either.
This is the most determined stalker you will ever meet.
You'd serve that kind of unrivaled devotion with some orange sauce and gravy?
Might as well have me for dinner.

Hold on a tic.
Dirk do you want to keep it as a pet?

That was the plan.

[You pick up the duckling and let it walk in the sink. You're pressed not to admit it has the cutest waddle ever.]

[Your feelings on the matter can be summed up with one giant question mark.]

But.
But dirk its a DUCK.
Can ducks even be housebroken?

I'll make a pen and clean up after it.
The full responsibility program.

...
But its a duck.

Yes.
I'm glad you possess a basic understanding of non-lethal wildlife.
Let's just have some stuffed mini pumpkins for dinner, ok.

Jake: > Stare at the duck.

[It is a DUCK. It is a baby duck, to be precise. It is too tiny to taste good, and is therefore BORING. You stare anyway.]

Have you named it?

I was wondering if you would care to.
There's an obviously more dire need for personal attachment between the two of you to keep you from wanting to roast him on a poker.

I dunno dirk.
I mean what sort of companion can a duck even be?
They dont purr and they dont cuddle.

But I'll bet they're kickass bath tub company.
I'll be testing that theory after dinner.

Rubber duckies dont crap in bathwater you know.
Do you want a rubber ducky?

No, Jake.

You want a duck.

This duck wanted me.
I'm being a decent human being and giving it the chance to show me why I should love it like my own.

...
Okay?
Its your duck.

Thanks.
I promise you'll still be my number one.

Haha wow.
Its so tiny!!
Look at its feet. Will it ever grow into those?

They usually do.

Edited 2012-12-20 00:56 (UTC)

This one looks particularly awkward though.
Hello dirks duck!
Duck of dirk. Dirk ducken.

Wow.
Dare you to say that five times in fast succession.

Dirks duck dirks duck durks duck dirk duck dicks dirk duck
Wait
Dirks duck dirks dick dirks duck dirks duck dirks DUCK! There!!

Hahahaha.

[You refrain from pointing out that he MESSED UP AGAIN. No display of such derpiness should inspire fondness in you, but it's a strange world.]